My Great Aunt Bess lived in “the big house” just down the street from my grandmother Clint’s condo in Goliad, Texas. A classically trained pianist and worldly sophisticate, Aunt Bess was a robust widower with no children of her own. She depended on my grandmother, my dad and his brothers and demanded their company, respect and attention throughout her life. But mainly, my little grandmother bore the brunt. As Bess became older and less able, she leaned on Clint for just about everything whether it was a trip to the grocery store or help off the bathroom floor. The laborious nature of helping Bess took a physical toll on my grandmother, and eventually her sons said enough. Unable to find more capable people to help Bess in Goliad and with the absolute most loving intentions, they eventually moved her to a small nursing home in New Braunfels, TX — more than three hours away from the South Texas community she’d had always known. And she was pissed about it. She’d call our house and demand that my 12-year-old brother come pick her up and bust her out. Bess was unrelenting. And perhaps rightly so — in subsequent visits, we saw how the caregivers had dolled our strict, fancier-than-thou aunt up in garish lipstick, cheesy costume jewelry and hairbows. Blech. So that’s a sad story. But there’s a big takeaway for Geri-me. Don’t get to the glory days of your golden years totally dependent on the good graces of family — especially if you’re alone, especially if they’re somebody else’s family. Have a plan. Read the room. Be humble about your situation and your needs and how they might be affecting others. Figure it out like the smart, brilliant person you are before someone else comes up with the only plan they can muster. Don’t be left holding the stupid hairbow in your hand. #GrandPlans