I’ve been sitting here at the house watching my geri-beagle die for four days now. I know, that’s not really chipper holiday conversation but it has gotten me thinking about how it feels to be on this side of the rainbow bridge with a loved one — whether that sweet soul has four legs or two. You know why wimp caregivers like me linger here too long? It’s fear and dread of making “the choice.” I don’t want to be the Grim Reaper calling up the vet and deciding “it’s time” even when I know by every measure it is. Damn choices. And with humans it’s even more complicated and yucky. You can’t just call the doctor up and say, “oh, hey, well I feel it’s about time for Dad to go.” It has to be a long-term plan, and that’s why it’s on my brain today. Dad was an attorney and had his medical directives and end-of-life documents signed sealed and delivered years before he needed them. Even so, he missed two vital ingredients that are worth noting: First, he never pounded his wishes into our conscience, he didn’t talk about it with vigor and conviction, it was just written down — in hard to interpret legal language that left some conjecture between the doctor and our family. Second, he did not sign a Do Not Resuscitate order prior to his being admitted to the hospital. And we did not think to do it once he was unconscious. As a consequence, any decisions about timing were even more obscured. This is a photo of Dad on his 80th birthday just three months before his brief illness, 10-day ventilator dependence and untimely passing. He was healthy and happy and confident he had squared away all that pesky, uncomfy end of life stuff — so it would be easier on my brother and me when the time came. I cannot stress enough the importance of honest, emphasized conversations about dying with our family and friends — we need to share our wishes loud and proud, both in legalese and love, with everyone we know. We need to be a freak about this! We need to be borderline annoying and maudlin about it, so much that people regret sitting next to us at the family dinner. There is no kind-eyed vet at the end of our rainbow bridge waiting to usher us over. There is, however, a lot of paperwork and legal documents and heightened emotions blocking our easy passage. Getting it all out of the way early will make those “It’s Time” moments a lot easier on everyone. #GrandPlans