One of the most common stories I have heard and experienced about seniors navigating their Golden Years ends like this: “I don’t want to talk about it or think about.” My dad said it this way: “Everything’s fine (translation: I don’t want to talk about it).” An elder friend I helped manage said it this way: “I won’t (translation: Go away. I’m not engaging).”

How is this approach acceptable? I did not push my father to discuss because I felt like we had plenty of time left to dissect his strategy. But with my elder friend, I did. I pressed the issue with follow up questions like: “Then how?” or “By whom?” and “With What?” And when there were NO GOOD ANSWERS, I helped implement the only workable plan, the one that “won’t.”

Relationships with older adults and parents are tough because we must contend with respect and history and independence (and the fact they are ADULTS who can make their own choices), I get that. But why do we let our older friends and family live in a dreamland of unworkable scenarios until it’s crisis time — our crisis time? Do we let our teenagers act this way? Do we allow middle-schoolers say “I don’t want to talk about it” when we ask them if they’ve done their homework? Do we just watch while our high school seniors stick their head in the sand about their college or career plans?

I am well aware of the nuances, just thinking out loud. I want my Grand Plan to include real-talk conversations with my loved ones and an acceptance of their ideas and hopes. In fact, I will do whatever they tell me to do because like a parent feels about their teenager, I will know my adult children or friends have only my best interest in mind. #GrandPlans