A decade or more ago, I worked with my father and in-laws on two books detailing the lives and legacies of Ben and Marley’s family through the generations. It was rich and inspiring work. The end product was two typo-riddled books, “The Men of Your House Part I and II” and “The Women of Your Genes,” that included photos and short biographies of our children’s parents, grandparents, great grands and beyonds. Each write-up concluded with a short statement about the person’s “legacy gift,” the strengths they exhibited in their lives that perhaps the kids could pick up on and practice in their own experience. I loved this project because it helped distill an important lesson that I really want the kids to wrap their minds around now, before it’s too late: the things people remember most about us — for better or worse! –become our legacy, like it or not. And it begs the question for all of us: how are we living life with a legacy mindset?

Do you want to be remembered as a person who was always running around like a chicken with their head cut off with no connection time for anyone, anywhere, anytime or the person who made time for others, listened well and offered sage direction? Do you envision you legacy as one aligned with your strengths and interests, perhaps expressing meaningful philanthropy toward organizations that have personal meaning to you, or one more connected to generosity of service, time or presence? Do you wish your legacy to be defined by altruism and wisdom or for being frugal with gifts and strengths of any kind? In some ways, considering your legacy is about philanthropy — and how and what you will share.

Here are some of the legacy gifts we filtered out of the men stories in our family. I’ll share the female version, which, of course, is much more colorful and outstanding, in a post upcoming. Perhaps these legacy gift examples will offer some inspiration to your thinking on this topic, and a little show note for clarity, not everyone profiled is deceased!:

David Bob Person: Taking care of family first, respecting and appreciating others, the value of education and a passion for lifelong learning.

Quinn Ralph Barton Jr.: Tremendous love, humility, intellect and sense of right; deep faith that defines and guides; a deep caring for everyone around you; and a deep inner strength and character.

And here are a couple more:

There was at piece in the Washington Post earlier this year about adopting a legacy mindset “which benefits others and will survive beyond your lifetime” and how it encourages folks to “think deeper and longer-term.” That really resonated with me. Designing your legacy is the foundation of effective philanthropy, in my opinion. When we think about how we want to be remembered and for what good works, it really informs our giving and our day-to-day interactions with people.

I admire people who are motivated by personal experiences to give authentically, passionately and humbly – and there are a lot of folks who fit that bill, but in different ways. For example, I thought Dolly Parton’s $1 million COVID gift was pretty darn inspiring. A doctor and friend of hers from Vanderbilt told her they were close to finding a cure for the virus and she dug around in her purse and was like, “look here, I can help!” I think her $1 million gift made a lot of people stop and account for how they, too, could apply resources to help during the pandemic. I am also inspired by people like Lois Kirschenbaum, Geoffrey Holt, Terry Kahn and Charles Feeney (Google them!) – all willfully frugal and low-flying people who died during the past two years and left millions to organizations that meant something big to them. I have all the respect for folks who live modestly and bequeath famously.

When I think about my own legacy, I want to make sure it carries forth some of the faded handwritten mantras that have long been taped to our kitchen cabinets, where I hoped they’d brainwash my children and houseguests. Most of them are about the importance of listening and being present like, “be interested, over interesting” and “connection not perfection.” But my personal North Star, is this one: “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” I believe that is the foundation of authentic philanthropy and a legacy that sizzles. Now I just have to make sure I’m living that out so my people take notice and pass it on!