If there is one thing I’ve learned in my Grand Planning experience, it’s that no one EVER dies according to your plan or expectation. Whether death comes quickly or S-L-O-W-L-Y sips the life out of a body one molecular cell at a time, death’s timing is always, ALWAYS a surprise. Therefore, it is my most urgent plea for all adults to expect this outcome — no matter what anyone, even your most trusted healthcare advisor, predicts — and prepare yourself accordingly.

There’s no crystal ball when it comes to the end.

When I stepped into a geri-drama situation of epic proportion several years back, the geriatric care manager/nurse was so shocked by the mayhem she predicted an ending not to exceed three to six months. So we threw the checkbook at it and lined up 24-7 residential caregiving and oversight, praying the treasure chest would afford a peaceful, safe passage at home — soonish. A year and-a-half later, we were shaking coins from the corners. In fact, on the day of my father’s February 2021 funeral, the hospice nurse called to say my charge was actively dying and that today would be the day. She died in June.

This is not an atypical accounting of death and its unpredictable approach. A friend told the story of her father-in-law, who had a stroke and was not expected to make it through the weekend. He remained alive and compromised mentally and physically for another 10 years. 10 years!!! Can you say worst case scenario? OMG, that story tragic in every way and for everybody involved.

Then you have someone like my father, who was a happy and healthy new 80-year-old with passion and purpose and excellent cognition. He got pneumonia randomly and died 10 days later. And even though his medical condition was obviously hopeless judging from the opaque white clouds we observed in his lung scans, you could not get a medical professional to ever agree that it was, actually, 100 percent hopeless. No doctor or nurse will ever give you a high probability of anything because THEY KNOW. They know death’s timing is always a mystery.

Grandmother had congestive heart failure for more than a decade. She was a Christian Scientist, too, so her body was definitely going out on its own terms, without any of that pesky medical intervention. Every childhood memory I have of her includes uncomfortably swollen feet and ankles, fully collapsed neck naps on every seat in the house and lots and lots of productive coughing. For years this went on! Yet one day she just died, out of the blue — on the day of my graduation from college.

My other grandmother, Bobbie, was taking lots of medication for lots of different and de minimis mental and physical ailments and there was no predicting her passing either. She died at age 90, I think, in her retirement community apartment — nothing to it and nothing ill-timed.

Of course, my mom’s passing in 1992 came as a complete surprise — very bad timing with that situation. We weren’t expecting her passing at all. She wasn’t struggling with anything terminal beforehand and had no medical legacies to perpetuate. She just got a little sick and died.

So, since the Grim Reaper won’t let us predict his arrival and our ending is never well defined or expected, it behooves us to do two things: First, we must never base our planning or hopes on medical predictions. We must accept that the end’s timing is unknown and there is no way to bank or get a handle on it. Second, just like any good financial planner would project the outcomes of your investments in underperforming, middle of the road and over-the-top markets, we must take the over and under on any estimates of longevity and come up with plans A, B and C for end-of-life expectations. Hope should not be part of the equation. A few reliable Grand Plans, however, will help solve the problem.

If there was such thing a crystal ball, it might show how absolutely essential to accept the unknowns and be prepared for those unpredictable apple-cart-turnovers financially, medically and legally.