One of the most important relationships you can lean on during a senior caregiving experience — whether it’s for a loved one, or your one day self! — is the one you establish with an attorney. At least that’s the verdict I’ve reached.

During the Gordian knot of a geriatric care management situation I muddled through several years ago, I was in constant contact with the lawyer who initiated this couple’s estate planning and contingency documents before their decline. He was very helpful. He told me what I was in my right, or not, to do, whom to call for backup, what strategies I should consider and how to act carefully and effectively in the best interest of the couple we were helping. I would have been absolutely lost without his guidance, because newsflash: no one teaches you how to do this stuff ahead of time, you just learn the best ways to react, pivot…scream your head off repeatedly…and pivot again, right there in the moment. Normal people don’t know this stuff. Elder law and estate planning attorneys, however, are experts at it.

That’s why I’m going to make sure David and I are all set up long before gd Geri-drama makes a surprise visit and complicates our children’s lives. We sat down with an estate planning attorney recently, and that felt like a great step one. We updated our wills and had conversations about the function of trusts. Next will be tidying up my end-of-life documents, durable power of attorney, advance medical directives and the like — things I should have set up long ago but haven’t because sometimes I still think I’m 27 and blissfully unaware of boring old aging issues.

My step two legal move is to meet with an elder law attorney and get a plan together for protecting our assets and paying for our senior living when it’s time for assisted living, skilled nursing or long term care. Maybe this is something you don’t do until later in the game. But I don’t see how it could hurt to start early. This stuff is complicated! It brain-bursting! It’s like trying to feel your way through a high hedgy labyrinth in the dark, drunk.

I think it would be super helpful to learn about the processes and parameters of government systems like Medicare and Medicaid — programs that stump literally everyone and require hours of unavailable time with unproductive customer service. For example, what is “spending down” and how does that apply to Medicaid coverage for nursing homes? I had no idea until I read this helpful article from AARP. Here’s another smart piece about Medicaid and this topic. Guess what they both recommend? Getting with an attorney to make the best plan.

I want to get educated on legal resources, strategies and vehicles that will facilitate our comfort and happiness during our Golden Years upcoming — and our kids’. I want to know what measures I should be aware of as we make our approach so we can make informed, expert-led decisions.

It bears repeating: no everyday average person like yourself knows how to win the senior care management maze; estate and elder law attorneys, however, have run the course and read the rules enough times to know exactly how to guide you on this journey. So let’s be smart and listen to them.